IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

WHAT IS TOXIC POSITIVITY?

Toxic positivity is a belief that no matter how dire a situation is, people should always maintain a positive mindset. It rejects dealing with difficult emotions and often creates a cheerful façade. While having a positive approach to life is good for one’s mental well-being, the problem is that life isn't always rainbows and unicorns. Everyone has to deal with painful and uncomfortable emotions at all times in their life. It is important to feel them since they help us grow as people. Toxic positivity is positivity to an unhealthy extreme where it denies the existence of any unpleasant emotion within a person.

EXAMPLES OF TOXIC POSITIVITY IN OUR DAILY LIVES

1. When something unfortunate happens, for example failing an interview, people might tell you to “cheer up” and “stay positive”. These comments are often meant to be comforting but can shut down any possibility of you wanting to talk about the emotions you experience, which aren’t hopeful and at times pessimistic.

2. When you express unhappiness, many people might tell you “happiness is a choice you make”. This statement might make you feel like you are intentionally “choosing” to stay sad. While in certain cases you may have a choice, in other times it is simply not possible to “choose” happiness since you are still healing, grieving or accepting your trauma.

HOW DOES IT AFFECT US?

When someone is suffering, they need to know that their emotions are valid and that they can find comfort in their friends and family. But toxic positivity tells people that the emotions they are feeling should not be felt. It invalidates one’s feelings and indicates that any unpleasant emotion felt in any situation is wrong. This functions as an avoidance mechanism. Engaging in such behavior allows you to avoid any uncomfortable emotional situations thus making you dismiss or deny these difficult emotions. This then leads to self-invalidation and self-doubt which can further stem insecurities. Avoiding dealing with these challenging emotions can make you lose the ability to have a deeper insight into yourself and hamper your personal growth. It may even make you want to fake how you are feeling just so you can be socially accepted.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you should act on every emotion that you feel. Sometimes it is important to just give yourself the time and space to feel what you do. Accepting your feelings is the first step towards understanding them. It is suggested that penning down what you feel into words can help lower the intensity of the negative feelings providing you with a clearer headspace for sorting out your emotions. Positive thinking doesn't mean that you stick your head in the sand and ignore life's undesirable situations. It is an approach to unpleasantness in a more constructive way. You try to find what best can be made out of the situation and consider it an opportunity instead of considering it a problem.